The Enemy of an Enemy by Vincent Trigili
Take a fan of Star Wars and Star Trek. Allow them to marvel at the space battles and force powers and phasers and technology. Give them the chance to embrace the geekiness of both universes. Then never let them anywhere near a writing class or even let them read a good book.
Then ask them to write their own story.
This book? This is the result.
What we have here is a would-be space opera which lacks depth, drama or feeling. It is full of one-dimensional characters that are mere shells of the tropes they represent. Not a single character is unique or memorable or are in any way, shape or form real. They’re all simply automatons which spout nonsense dialogue about class-three this or psionic that. None of them have anything resembling an identity. In point of fact, each and every single character in this story speaks with the same exact voice. Every. Single. One..
Reading this dialogue is like listening to Ben Stein recite the phone book for twelve hours straight:
“Bueller…Bueller…Kill Me And Put Me Out Of My Misery…Bueller”
But the other characters don’t really matter. They’re only around to provide a backdrop for the main character, who happens to be the biggest Gary-Stu-Chosen-One-Author-Wish-Fullfillment character I’ve seen in a while.
Seriously, as the story trudges forward, you find that Vydor not only has a stunning intellect and special powers but that he is also destined for greatness with an honest to god, I shit you not, good old fashioned prophecy.
For fucks sake…
Look, I give indie authors their due for having the guts to put their work out there in the first place. But for the love of all that is holy, if you don’t have the writing chops to back up those guts, then you should just keep your stupid, lame-ass fanfic with shitty dialogue and a plot that was obviously some dorks wish fulfillment bullshit to yourselves…
One Sad and pathetic Star that can’t even twinkle correctly.
And that’s me being nice.