Dearly, I Wish You’d Departed Already…

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Dearly, Departed Photobucket

What we have here is a story set in the not-too-distant future. The world has gone to hell, the polar ice caps are spreading out and leaving a small ring of habitable land around the equator. The former nations of the world have crumbled, giving rise to a bunch of new tribes/countries/etc.

One of these newly minted nations was begun by the remnants of what was once the good old US of A. And these former Americans, wanting a return to a more civilized era, decide to reach into the past for a time period that would allow them to relive some of their former glory. And the era they decide on is… Victorian.

What?


Yep. A bunch of leftover Americans decide to emulate the Victorian era. Not you know, the Southern Belle era, or maybe the roaring 20’s, or even the Old West.

Nope. They decide to get all Victorian up in this bitch.

A time when women were pushed into the background with no real rights and forced to behave as mere playthings. When the classes were given a clearer delineation and the rich and powerful aristocracy ruled.

What American in their right mind would ever, ever allow their newly formed nation to take this huge a step backward? I don’t care if the remnant was from the South and in the military, they still would never choose to emulate the ideals of the Victorian era. It just doesn’t make sense.

This idea alone had me scratching my head throughout the entire book.

Meh.

So, let’s talk about the writing in this book. Or more specifically, certain phrases which were used here. Phrases that did not belong. Phrases that pulled me out of the story each time I tripped over them like some discarded bit of storytelling. Phrases like “mental facepalm”, “hoity toity”, “I, for one, welcome our new _____ overlords” , “unicorn fart” and “epic”.

Why? Just… just why?

Why would you go from speaking in some simulation of Victorian english then turn around and toss in some of the most annoying and childish phrases ever? Why would you do that?

They don’t belong there.

Stop that.

Please.

Now for the characters. Geeze, these characters. First though I must ask, what in the world is with the naming convention used here? Dearly? Vespertine? Bram? Really, BRAM? Bram?!

FFS.

Names aside, the characters themselves were annoying. Wolfe, as the bad guy, was so one-note and flat as to be comical. Same goes for Vespertine, the bitchy mean-girl nemesis of our main character. Dearly, our heroine herself, was rather insipid and bothersome. Hell, the only “living” character that was at all ok had to be the sidekick Pam. At least she had a bit of growth to her.

Unlike the rest of them.

The zombies, on the other hand, I actually quite liked. At least the military ones. Bram(damn, I hate that name) and his crew had the only few good lines in the entire book. They were funny and fun and had great chemistry and camaraderie. I probably would’ve enjoyed a story that was only about Z company.

Sadly, they were the only highpoints in this otherwise below-sea-level book.

Meh.

To sum it all up…

If your tastes differs completely from mine, I’m talking antithesis here, you’ll love the hell out of this book.

If you have a similar taste in books as me(or any taste at all) then please, for the love of all that you hold dear, don’t bother with this one. Find something else to read.

Like the tags that come on mattresses.

Or the fine print of any EULA.

Or Twilight(I’m guessing).

One rotting star, and that’s for Z Company.

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2 responses »

  1. Pingback: Lists: Worst Books Read in 2011 – # 2 « Less whimsical than the title would suggest…

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